It’s always news when a public figure is discovered behaving badly, yet the explanation is predictable: they have an “addiction”. The latest blow-ups have centered around sex, usually resulting in tearful apologies,  a stint in rehab and a seeming acceptance of consequences. Yet shortly after, there is a new love interest, a new home or reality show- sometimes all three! Little wonder that many scoff at the idea of a sexual “addiction”. Isn’t it just an excuse for bad behavior?

     The simple answer is that it is both: addictions in any form are usually going to cause hurtful consequences. Today, medical and psychological research have demonstrated that addictions to alcohol and drugs are real diseases and arise from a combination of factors: genetic predisposition, childhood trauma  and brain chemistry. The same is true for sex.  However, we are all at risk for sexual addiction: we are sexual beings from the moment we are born. Couple this fact with the fact that our society has deep, conflicting beliefs and behaviors about sex ( for example,  ”good girls don’t”, “sex sells”) - it’s no wonder that sexual  compulsivity and addictions seem to explode from the headlines!

     Addiction has been defined as “continued use despite the consequences” . People who struggle with and worry about their sexual behavior usually feel ashamed and alone, that there are no answers to their questions.  There are resources for you: I am offering a 7 week group beginning September 29, 2010 that focuses on what sexual addiction is, what behaviors are involved and how people can recover. The group is primarily psycho-educational, so members are not required to disclose any of their beliefs or behaviors. If you’d like to know more, please contact me and I’ll be happy to provide more information.

     Additionally,I encourage you  to go to the website, recoveryzone.com and take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST). There is no cost for this test and it’s completely confidential.

     Please, if you worry about yourself or a loved one, take the next step: get the information you need.

     As you may have noticed, it’s been a loooong while since my first blog. I dipped my toe in, got frightened and then avoided it all together. A very typical (and human) response to new endeavors.

    This is how many people experience life on a daily basis: fear and avoidance.  Inaction is but one form of avoidance, there are many others: compulsive behavior, use of tobacco, alcohol or drugs, obsessing about other people or relationships- the list can go on and on. Avoidance, in whatever form, has the same purpose: to delay or prevent pain. However, it actually makes the inevitable much worse.

     One of my favorite authors, M. Scott Peck, wrote (and I am paraphrasing) “…it’s not pain that creates mental illness, it’s the avoidance of pain…”.This is where psychotherapy can play a part: if you are stuck in avoidance, a skilled clinician can help you define your goals, assess the problem areas in your life and work with you on finding and implementing solutions.  Of course, there is always fear and discomfort in changing your life; yet there is fear and discomfort in not changing your life.

     So, where do you want your pain to lead you-to more avoidance or to a better life?

Welcome to my new website and blog! This is my first professional foray into the internet and I’m excited about the new opportunties to connect, communicate and learn. In fact, this is exactly how the website was ultimately created!

After almost 20 years in practice, I am still a little slow in “embracing the technology”. My practice manager, Susan Frager, LCSW of Psych Adminstrative Partners suggested I contact Sumner Mckenzie, Inc. for web design and these folks had me dot comming in no time. Chaela Sumner and John McKenzie are just good people- professional, patient, active listeners and fun. They took my stream of consciousness and turned it into beautiful web pages of information and interaction. I can’t thank them enough.

This is what “talk” does- connects people, solves problems, creates – no matter if that “talk” is about websites or personal journeys. I hope you will talk to me by leaving your comments or questions. I won’t promise that I can answer every one, but I will promise to read every one. Check back often; you might see your question or comment in my blog.

In the coming days, I hope to provide information that is helpful and timely, as well as give suggestions.  I also hope that a little of my personality (yes, most therapists have one!) and style comes through. While I tend to be plainspoken and direct, I never lose sight of my goal, which is to help you achieve your goals.